Mmm, not sure

"He's ALREADY blessing me."

Already. Already? When pastor said these words on Sunday, I had both reactions. I know God's love is all around and has insulated me up to this present moment but, what about going forward? The next part of my life has EXTREMELY high stakes and I wonder if one has a finite grace expenditure. Is God concerned with achieving the proper balance of blessings or, does grace stretch as far as faith will allow? Hmmm...

I was pretty popular in high school. I can't deny it. Charm stretched through college and onto my years in Europe. New York brought new levels of blessing and fortune. Don't hate me, the road certainly got rougher...

The last 5 years have been harder than the first 25. From money, to career, to health, challenges were a-plenty. From what I hear, no one is born charmed, lives charmed AND dies charmed. Ask Paris Hilton, Michael Jackson, and the likes. Into every life, a little rain must fall... Cue monsoon and hurricane. I won't bore you with the endless parade of nightmare moments I have endured over the past half decade but believe me, its wince-worthy.

So the question is, can I expect the next season in my life to be magical because the last five years, well... sucked? I know God's promise is real but I don't know if he works on the barter system. "I'll trade you a week's depression if you will evaporate these last five pounds!" Cut to me both depressed and ten pounds overweight. No fair!!!!!

So, let me get this straight... I should be of the thinking that I am already blessed in my moments of infirmity and weakness? Then I can look at everything as a blessing... hold it a second, Butch, I'm definitely not there yet. But I am praying on it...

As always cover and flank me with your prayers and rest assured I am doing the same for you, even if my day.. well, sucks.

Scooby

I will be Tardy 4 the Party

Welcome to the Masquerade Ball. Its a place where boys parade as men and whimsy impersonates sincerity. Here at the Masquerade Ball, we host frauds, liars and the mentally ill without reservation AND raise these charlatans to A-list status. If you have good sense, maturity, a spiritual life, or upward mobility, prepare to be turned away from this exclusive invite-only club because we don't entertain self-discovery here... You've been warned.

I am starting to feel like a minority. As the clock ticks away towards the big 3-0, I am becoming more and more authentic and singular. The truth seems to fall from my lips without prompting (Wuddup Kanye!) and my wants/needs march forth unapologetically. I love this space but it seems that every time I begin looking for a significant other............Masquerade.

WTF?!?!? I am beautiful, black, and broke. There. You have it. I have a stunning apartment overlooking the East River, a closet full of clothes from Europe, a MAJOR personal trainer, a career on the rise, friends that I adore, and a wonderful social agenda. AND IM BROKE. No Masquerade here. It is what it is. I don't mind telling my entire truth because it doesn't define me. It's of the moment. Why are so many of the men I meet into creating personas that don't hold up to even mild scrutiny? If I meet one more investment banker/grocery store clerk, or bartending film director, I may run and jump. Masquerade. Where is the honesty people? Oh what a tangled web we weave....

I guess I have spent some time at the Ball. I admit it. Searching feverishly through the costume clad throng for Mr. Right (or Mr. Right-Now). But Scooby at 22 and Scooby at 29 are terribly different. Modern Me just can't do it anymore. The new me requires an unmasked hero. Think Incredible Hulk instead of Batman. LOL!

Well, Im still open and willing. I don't know where he is but his openness, and level of honesty will be tested and proven before he gets anywhere with me. I've entertained too many bogus Masquerade stars and would rather investigate the Masquerade rejects now... Hmmm, Never thought I would be this happy to be on the OTHER side of the velvet rope...

As always, cover and flank me in your prayers as you can be assured I am doing the same 4 you

Scoobydu

...

Abuse.

Abuse...

This is the dilemma. Is it abuse, period? Or abuse, and the story continues?

I like abuse. I must. There is no other explanation for my talent for finding myself in "certain" company. Being a smart guy capable of digesting the big picture is both a blessing and a curse. I have yet to learn that damaged goods are not always so... good.

Excuses. I make excuses for wounded individuals incapable of taking responsibility for their actions. In my head, these wounded/damaged souls are like aimless hurt children who need guidance and understanding and their tantrums are to be tolerated, curated and then, forgiven.

WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!

Revenge, Animosity, and Malice have no place in the game of love. Lovers who have a tumultuous past have to work towards letting go and working through those hurts if they truly desire each other. If not, welcome to the wonderful world of consensual ABUSE. The relationship becomes a battlefield complete with scoring, fouls, and unsportsman like conduct.

The problem is that I ALWAYS underestimate the human proclivity towards immaturity, revenge, and resentment. You know, the dark shit. Some of my chosen company find these states as warm and familiar as a chenille throw. Of course, I inevitably realize the wounded person is in fact, a wackadoo and send them on their merry way to plot against and sabotage another unsuspecting lover. Hurt and confused, I lose precious time dealing with this emotional dilettante. I have to stop this vicious cycle of taking in "pound puppies" immediately if I am indeed to find my enchanted equal...SO,

HEAR YE, HEAR YE O' NEEDY, BITTER, GUILEFUL, MALICIOUS, DECEITFUL, JEALOUS, ARGUMENTATIVE, INSIPID, TACTLESS, INAPPROPRIATE, NARCISSISTIC, EMPTY, VAPID, ABUSIVE COMPANY OF SCOOBY'S PAST...

you are hereby released from your position without reparation or severance. We are filing Chapter 11 bankruptcy on our business together and you no longer hold any shares. Pack your little box full of shit like the workers at Lehman Brothers, and go.

(This post may seem coded, mysterious and slightly vague but it was quite cleansing 4 me)

As always, cover and flank me in your prayers as I am always doing the same for you...

Scoob